The Marriage of Your Dreams?

To reach the marriage of your dreams is one of the greatest blessings couples could ever hope to experience in this lifetime.

How Do You Reach the Marriage of Your Dreams?

The marriage of your dreams is not a thing that just lands on your lap. You do not stumble on it perchance.

You and your spouse have to grow into it. You both must pursue it.

What Is the Marriage of Your Dreams?

You reach the marriage of your dreams when you find your best friend in each other.

You run to your spouse, first thing when great news comes in. You take shelter in your spouse when the worst news arrives.

At your highest, you cannot think of anybody else to share the view with but your spouse. And at your lowest of lows, you know you can best power through it with your spouse. 

You know you have someone for life. Your spouse is there for the long haul. There is no calling it quits. You shall not be abandoned. You won't ever be given up.

You know for sure because you feel the same way. You are committed in that very way. You are possessed and held, now and always. There is no one you would rather be with.

With your spouse, you can ease up and be unguarded. You can let loose without fear of judgment; no prying eyes or ears about to judge what you say or do. You do not need to put on a pretty face nor a brave stance. You can be you in all authenticity and vulnerability.

The marriage of your dreams is where you can safely and surely explore your potential and work on your handicaps.

Your spouse helps you find a clearer perspective, overcome weaknesses and accept and understand your limits. You are helped where needed, and you are affirmed where you excel.

How Do You Keep the Marriage of Your Dreams?

The marriage of your dreams is something you can reach yet never fully. There is always room to improve.

There is more to develop and attain. It is one you must continually pursue. And throughout the pursuit:

Never Abuse It

"Just because you can, it does not mean you should."This common expression very much applies in a fulfilling marriage.

So, never abuse the love, respect, and understanding being given you and encourage your spouse to set time for self-care, spending time, energy and resource for themselves and the things they need to do and would like to do.

You want your spouse to feel and be at their best. You want them to practice self-care as you likewise take care of yourself. One can never contribute to a healthy relationship if the self is unhealthy.

The man must exercise leadership but ensure equality. The woman must exercise biblical submission but ensure meaningful contribution.

The husband should always lead from his strengths and allow the woman to complete him where he is lacking. The wife must be ready to step in without overstepping, as needed, whenever needed.

Because marriage is about completing and complementing each other. It is about coming alongside one another:

• To support and enable/assist in your partner's areas of weakness
• To encourage and facilitate in their areas of strength

Marriage is daring to be and to do together based on mutual wisdom and discernment. It operates from a mindset that "it is no longer I nor You. It is US."

There will be no dictatorship. It's always a partnership.

Thus, there will be no blaming or blame shifting, and no one will be left under the bus.

There will be no solo credits or limelights. No "I did it. It's all because of me."

Never Neglect It

Familiarity, and for those who have been married for decades, OVER-familiarity, can easily lead to neglect and dismissiveness.

So, remember to pay attention to your spouse and marriage. Care for your spouse and your marriage at all times.

Give it the same value you have given it from the very first day you became a couple – which was way before you tied the knot.

Caring for your marriage means regularly giving it the essentials: your time, your best efforts, your authentic self, and your best behaviour.

Caring includes togetherness so be together. Find out what you enjoy doing together and do it. Where interests differ, find out what the other loves and learn to do it or allow them time for it. Prioritise time for one another and, likewise, time for personal development and creativity.

Nourish your marriage, your partner. Be interested in the needs of your spouse. What will help them grow? What will give them joy? Agape love is to desire the good, the best for someone you love.

Pay it Forward

Pay it forward... to your spouse. Bless your partner in the very same way that your spouse is blessing you.

Be loving for no reason. Love them just because. We know that God loved us first. There was no personal merit in that. He chose to love us in our sin-laden state. And He remains as fully loving to us no matter what stage He sees us in - faithful or backslidden.

Understand and forgive your spouse in their low and bad points. Keep giving them freedom and a safe space to be vulnerable, raw, unedited and authentic.

Assure them with your words and actions that it is okay. They can let their guard down. They can be themselves at all times with you. Do not lose love. Do not lose respect. Do not misjudge.

Give them truth

Rebuke, encourage and support. Our partners need correction in order for them to grow and change for the better. But they also need our encouragement and support.

As with Christianhood or Discipleship, the journey to personal maturity and character development is a lifelong journey. And it is a journey that spouses can do better together. 

Help them discover and understand you.

Love and marriage is about discovering and understanding each other more and more as the years go by.

A thriving marriage needs constant discovery and a deepening understanding of who we are as a person, how we think, why we think that way about something, how we love, how we want to be loved, what's on our mind, what we need, and so much more.

It's wrong to expect your spouse to just simply understand you and know how to relate to you. Many times, you need to help them get to that point.

It is important that you know where they are coming from, what they actually mean when they say something or what it means when they're behaving in a certain way. 

it is always healthier to take the guesswork out of the equation. Be honest. Be transparent. Be open. Be patient.

Now, in discovering and understanding each other, you may not always agree, but you must always understand.

You must always discern. Discernment includes knowing when they are right, when they are wrong, and knowing how you should rightly reflect, assess, and respond from that knowledge.

And at all times, aim to accept and respect in times of differences. Compromise when it's the better option. Allow the other's wishes when it's the more sensible choice.

Be willing to accommodate your partner's wishes when there's no harm in doing so.

Make adjustments to assure your spouse that you love them and that you want them to feel your love and understanding.

Appreciate all the positives and benefits they bring into your life. 

You can never be a one-man or one-woman show in life. You cannot take credit for everything.

In all your years of existence, you have amassed growth, skills, assets and more because of someone else. You cannot say that all you have achieved and yet to achieve are all and will all be only because of you.

So, never forget what your spouse brings to the table. Never overlook what your spouse contributes to the marriage.

Give them Scripture

Being a Christian, you have a personal relationship with God. You have trusted Christ's free gift of salvation by grace through faith alone, and not of yourself, knowing full well that it is a gift of God.

It is not something you worked for. It is something you trust Christ has already done for you. Sin has been forgiven.

You have been gifted with mercy and a new and permanent family – God and the Church. Being a child of God, you know that you will never be perfect, and life is a constant dependence on God.

Success. Purpose. Satisfaction. Security in an unknown future. These are all found in God. You know you need Him and the direction of His Spirit and God's Word. So, desire Scripture. And share Scripture with your spouse.

Intimacy with God is the key to being the right spouse. Likewise, it is the key to helping your spouse be the right spouse for you. You both can only continue to be God's best for each other when God is freely welcome and at work in your personal lives and in your marriage.

Celebrate every year you have remained faithful.

Faithfulness in marriage is something to be grateful for. It is a rarity. The world today makes it hard for couples to uphold fidelity.

So celebrate every year you've been together. Treasure it. Set aside time during your anniversary week to talk about ways to strengthen the marriage even more.

Commit to forgive each other of your faults and plan ways you can affirm and confirm your love to each other.

Final Thoughts

It takes two to create a dream marriage. You both can reach the marriage of your dreams. When that happens, marriage becomes one of your best blessings on this earth. And when that happens, just do what’s natural. When you’ve got something good going, when you get a hold of something precious; you take great care of it, you make it better, and you never ever let it go.

Scripture for the Day

For other marriage resources, check out Harold Sala 5-minute videos here:

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